Plan B is the new Plan A
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize