We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
