Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
someone threw a dead crab at me
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
