i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
