You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
