I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Come share oat with me in your robe
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
