Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
