New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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