I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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