you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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