If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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