My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
