I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize