I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
