In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
