dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
