No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
