I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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