So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
