mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
