Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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