I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize