i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
