Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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