I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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