That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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