i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize