Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
