dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
