First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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