I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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