Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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