Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm bleeding and have questions
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
