i dont even know how to be here
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize