I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
