I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
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Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize