If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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