i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
