Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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