i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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