so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
