I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
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i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
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I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize