I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
