Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
