I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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