She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
