am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
