I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize