This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
