I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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