she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
