He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize