so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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