OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
