Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
