i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
