i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
