I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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