Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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