Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
