what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
