shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
