I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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