I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
