he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
