oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i think i just lost a toe
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
