smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Bring me that man meat
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
